I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
