things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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