dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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