Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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