I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I did not marry a roomba.
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