I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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