Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there was a trapeze. enough said
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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