I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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