I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
