i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
