i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
