I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
