And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
