If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
