He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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