Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
