Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
