why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
