I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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