So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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