Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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