Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Even my vagina gasped.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
