You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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