Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I died a long time ago.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
