you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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