Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
