In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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