Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
