Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
