3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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