are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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