You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
