I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
