went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No subtext here. People are naked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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