i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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