I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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