Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
