I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
