forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
