Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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