He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
