my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm really busy with my period
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