Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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