Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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