every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You smell like stripper and shame
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
