I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A+ Viking dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
