I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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