you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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