I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
