Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
