Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
