worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
