I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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