i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
