this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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