You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize