Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
