I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
