I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
