i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
