i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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