mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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