then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
