I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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