I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
