Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
