Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
