i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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