I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
