I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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