i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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