He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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