Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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