dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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