y did u give ur computer a hand job?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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