You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
