dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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