Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
