I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
