if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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