it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
