glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
