How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
