she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
