I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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