apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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