Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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