Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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