i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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