Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
