he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
