I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
