be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize