I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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