when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
