i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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