I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize