Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
