did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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