after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
