i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize