Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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