Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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