You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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