areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
